Self-sabotage Diaries
The months of May and June this year were terrifying to me. Each day, I felt like I was stepping into a new isolated ocean without knowing how to swim. The fearful voices in my head were at full volume and on loop. At that time, it felt like there was no way they would stop. Yet, with the help of art, I could channel my emotions better. You'll find the words "ammu" and "ma" in both Bangla and English which translate to "mother". These pieces encapsulate moments in my life in which I felt excruciatingly helpless and vulnerable. When peace felt unattainable, I took refuge in the oasis of my creativity and allowed myself to get lost in the pain and be found in the colors.
Ammu Amay Amar Theke Bachao
Medium: Digital
Dimensions: 1366 x 767 pixels
Year Created: 2022
আম্মু, আমায় আমার থেকে বাঁচাও!
I am so afraid of myself. Have you ever felt like you're capable of everything in the world but you cut off your own wings, Ammu?
What ifs
Medium: Digital
Dimensions:1366 x 767 pixels
Year Created: 2022
Ammu, the what ifs get louder and louder often these days. I carry so much shame in me that it takes up my entire throat. I am afraid that I will twist my own throat someday. I know that I actually won't but what if I do?
Silhouettes
Medium: Digital
Dimensions: 1366 x 767 pixels
They are here, Ammu.
Ammu, these days, I don't want to be awake. They still come to take me in my dreams and I am afraid I will hold their hands someday and let them take me but anything feels better than being awake knowing that I am letting myself breathe.
